


To:

by Ririscus



Series: The Wilt Alternate Universe [2]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Implied Anxiety Distorter, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-26 02:57:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14991272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ririscus/pseuds/Ririscus
Summary: Three letters sit vacant, waiting to be open. Sayori's deepest secrets, her haunting nightmare.Three letters sit vacantly, longing to be open. However, kept away in a drawer. A wish never fulfilled.Three letters sit vacant, wanting to be open. Light blankets the drawer, Two curious pink and purple eyes. An arm reaches out.(Warning! Spoilers to Wilt! If you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest that you do.)





	1. dear natsuki, yuri, and monika

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I promised you guys this, huh?  
> Since it's summer and I have a lot more time on my hands, I decided to finally do this.  
> A kinda a 'what if' scenario in the Wilt Universe
> 
> Also if you haven't read Wilt, please read it before continuing here. This has lots of spoilers.
> 
> Like a lot.
> 
> Also, Sayori and Monika haven't come out as a couple yet in this fic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls stumble on something they probably shouldn't have touched.

"We are here! Welcome to your humble abode!" 

Monika opens the door to a home. Her home, exactly. Her and Sayori had been living in the same house now for months now so Monika could look after her. The problem is Sayori now doesn't spend any time at her old house. To fix that she decides to sell her house. Randomly. Without telling anyone. Well, except for today when she realizes she needed help. When Natsuki and Yuri heard this, they facepalmed. When Monika heard it...

"Oh my, I love it!" 

She and Sayori started to act like they are real estate agent and customer. 

Sayori runs in the house, taking in all the sights of her _newly bought house_. She has on an orange blouse and light blue shorts. Monika follows behind, happy that her _customer_ is happy. She has on a red striped top with a red skirt bottom. Yuri wears a long-sleeved purple shirt that says 'I'm too shy and bisexual for this' and black leggings. She waits awhile before coming in to stop her from trying to stop their roleplay. Normally she accepts it, even playing along at times, but this has been going on for  _hours_. Natsuki was wearing a jacket with pink strips and shorts. She stays outside, waiting and waiting until she couldn't take it anymore. 

"AHEM," Natsuki coughs loudly enough for everyone to hear her. Sayori and Monika were in an intense conversation about some kind of imaginary billing issue while Yuri was gracefully 'returning' books from Monika's collection. Natsuki sighs agitated. "Is anyone going to remember the reason why we are here in the first place, the boxes?!" Natsuki points to the boxes beside her. Sayori's face fell. 

"Aw, can we not? I'm very  _very_ sick." Sayori made a few attempt coughing noises (saying if they were coughing noises for that matter) while Monika tries to fight off her giggles. Yuri, the only sane one in Natsuki eyes, hides the books she recently 'borrowed' in Monika's couch so that she can find them easily and goes over to lift up the smallest one. 

"Yeah, yeah, you're sick as a dog. Now get over here." Sayori groans as she drags herself and picks up another small box. Monika and Natsuki both up medium size ones. 

"Where are we suppose to put these anyways," Yuri asks. Something clicks in Monika as she suddenly rushed over to the front. 

"Right this way, madame!" Monika leads, trotting to the upstairs. Sayori cheers and follows. Yuri and Natsuki tread behind, slightly regretting coming here. 

* * *

 "Pawh! That's the last one!" Monika exclaimed, her and Yuri dropping the box in the room. Everyone cheered drowsily. It took until the sunset to carry everything inside, not to mention they still had to put everything away. It's going to be a very long night. 

Yuri slumped over a box while Monika leaned over the door. Seeing her friends exhausted gave Sayori a great idea as she jumped off her bed. 

"How about I fix some snacks! They fix everything!" 

"I'm down to relax. You?" She points to Yuri, who flushed at the attention. 

"I-I'm okay with it." 

"I could really use a drink." 

"Then it's a yes! I'll fix something quick!" And with that, Sayori was out the door. Natsuki looks at Monika who had a stupid grin on her face watching Sayori run downstairs. 

"Do you even trust her in the kitchen?" Natsuki asked. Monika turns to her, that same grin on her face.

"It will be fun to see what she comes up with!"

"Hmm...Now, that you say that, I'm curious." 

While the two continue their conversation, Yuri begins to put stuff away starting with the box labeled with bedroom necessaries. They mostly were stuffed toys Yuri didn't know what to do with so she just put them on the bedroom dresser. However, the drawer surface was decreasing in space. To her relief, the only thing that was left was a notebook. How weird, why put a notebook in a box full of stuff plushes? Yuri brushed this off, it was probably Sayori being the airhead that she is. 

As she was putting it inside one of the drawers, three envelopes slipped out. Three envelopes in pink, purple, and green. They seem to be well intact, well, except for the green one who had a tear in it. She reaches for them and realized that the letters are for them.

_To Natsuki_

_To Yuri_

_To Monika_

Yuri gets confused. She didn't see this before, hasn't she? She tries to rack her memory before giving up and asking the others. "Guys, have you seen these before?"

The other two look up from their conversation to see Yuri hold up three envelopes in hand, eyeing them with suspicion and a little curiosity. It isn't every day when you get something serious from Sayori of all people. 

Monika looks at the envelopes in shock. She never thought she would see them again. She never thought the others would see them at all.

 ~~ _She's dead. She's really is dead. Why won't I get that in my mind!_~~  

"I-um..." 

"Let's rip em open," Natsuki exclaims. Monika looked at her like she was crazy.

Natsuki was curious about the things inside too, not having seen them before. If it's not putting boring things away for hours after hours, then she's all in. 

"I-err..." 

Monika was panicking. They want to know. Should I intervene? Should I just stay silent? What would Sayori think? 

While Monika panics in the corner, Natsuki trots over to Yuri. 

"You sure they aren't some old birthday cards?" Natsuki whispered.

Yuri flips one in her hand, showing her the front and the back. "I'm pretty sure they aren't. In fact, they look almost new..."

"Why don't we ask Moni?"

Yuri looked at the troubled club president and her heart sank. Whatever is in these envelopes won't be good.

"Monika?" Yuri looks at the three letters in her hand and then back at the club leader. "It's obvious you know more than us, so I am going to ask you one thing." Yuri, despite the blooming curiosity in her eyes, looks at the envelopes and bits her lip. With Monika's reaction, she's worried. Maybe even more than worried.

Natsuki would have personally ripped the envelopes then and there getting this dramatic pause over with, but something in her mind says it might be wrong. Is something important in there? From Sayori?!

Monika all the while takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She knows whats coming and a bit of time to prep she knows how she'll answer. 

"Should we?"

...

..

.

"This might be a lot, but I want you to know what you guys are truly getting into." Yuri and Natsuki felt the air get tense. Is Monika joking? She seems pretty serious... Why is everyone so serious today? Do I really want to know? Despite the questions, they slowly nod. Monika looks at them both in the eye.

~~**__** _She didn't even say goodbye._ ~~

"These are Sayori's suicide notes." 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

_Meanwhile, Sayori bakes downstairs, oblivious. She figures baking something will impress the others so she gives it a try. Five minutes in and she messed up the batter twice and tripped on her face, creating a huge mess. She sighs and pulls out her phone._

_"Time to Pastemate."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I curse you, electric mixer cord!


	2. i hope i was right about this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki realizes something

**Natsuki's Pov**

"These are Sayori's suicide notes." 

...

Wait...what? What the fuck. What the fuck?!

Here I thought that today would be a chilled back day where the girls and I could just help Sayori pack her stuff and hang out but no. Every day I have to be reminded that Sayori tried to kill herself. It's annoying.

There was this one time I remember when Sayori was still in the hospital. She was sleeping. The monitor beeped a rhymical tune. Her chest slowly rose and fell. Air was sucked in and escaped her lips. However, she looked dead. Her skin was so devoid of color and pale. Her eyes hold never-ending eyebags, the scars we never saw. Her bruise, that _fucking_ bruise, ringed around her neck and was ablaze of red sensitive skin. 

I was angry at her for wanting to leave us for a while. I wanted her to realize that she was very much needed by us, by me. I wanted her to realize that without her Yuri won't say anything, Monika won't stop fucking crying, and I am left sad and confused and hurt.

However, it was then that I realized she simply couldn't. Sayori doesn't have the self-confidence to. Her thoughts swarmed off any positive and happy things and persuaded her to kill herself. 

She didn't want to die, but her mind made it look like the only outlet. The only escape. 

I felt my eyes brim with tears. Goddamnit.

"Do you still want to read it?" I look up to see Monika, who fidgets with her fingers nervously. She looks nervous almost for us to read them and for a moment I thought not to. But her smile was so understanding. 

A smile that was real, unlike many others.

"I-I'm going to," Yuri says from behind us. "She would have wanted us to. What's the difference now?" She hands us each our envelope and found somewhere to sit. 

I look at my envelope in hesitation. It's pink, secretly my favorite color. It was bare, except for the back which she wrote;

_To: Natsuki_

_From: Sayori_

Do I really want to do this? To relive past torments? To bring up bad memories?  

I bit my lip. This whole thing is a bad memory.

I sat near Sayori's closet to read. I guess I was used to doing in in the literature club, it felt at home to just do it here. No getting off topic. The letter. 

I gently ripped the envelope to reveal a piece of note paper. It seemed to come out of a notebook, a fancy one at that. She must've bought this for a lot of money, just to tell us something one last time. 

I wiped my tears. Goddamnit. 

 

 

> Dear Natsuki, 
> 
> Remember when we first met? Yeah, _that_ first time. You were rushing to your last period while I was stupidly walking without thinking. We crashed into each other, and you were swearing like a sailor! I was scared at first because I thought you were one of those bullies. I was utterly wrong! It took awhile but behind your facade, you're the sweetest person I ever met. You cared for me through the times I was sad or scared. You always gave me some more treats even though I was being a selfish pig. You didn't yell at me or get mad at me that much. You tolerated me and I love you for that. 
> 
> You don't know how much I miss you. How much I will miss you. I want to hug you and hear you yell bloody murder to get you on the ground. I want to taste your sweet treats again and again. I want to read your poems and praise them for being about you! But, I don't want to annoy you anymore. Your love is precious, and I don't want to waste it all. 
> 
> I don't care if you never see this. If my memory is already dead and gone. If I'm already buried six feet underground. If anything, that will prove me right. I think I just wrote this to remind myself that I was kinda lucky. Some people are alone and some are with mean friends. I was lucky spending my last four years here with you guys. I don't want even these stupid rainclouds to think otherwise. For four years, you dealt with me. Hell, for the past year, you guys were practically my lifeline! I would hate myself even more if I didn't appreciate that. 
> 
> If your sad that I'm gone, it seems that I was wrong and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my own selfish desires affect your happiness. I was just blanketed by the smothering sadness called depression. I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm sure you'll understand. 
> 
> Even if life wasn't meant for me, I still will watch over you. I want watch your future bloosm, even if it's a future without me in it. I'm sure you be a cute baker. Ooo! Yuri's the shy libraian next door that your kindamaybeisinterestedin and Monika could be the teacher/wingman with a strange but interesting coding hobby. As you and Yuri get closer, with Monika's help ofcourse, how longer will you wait to tell her your feelings... Wait, I'm getting off topic! Away from my romcom schinagains, I hope you guys have happy lives and don't worry about me that much. I'll be happy just watching you guys grow.
> 
> For my last action as vice president, please visit me! And bring a cupcake or two for old times! I'll be very happy but if you don't I'll understand. 
> 
> I will always love you.
> 
> Sayori
> 
> (P.S I wrote a poem for you. It isnt really good because it was rushed, but I hope you like it.)
> 
> I love you, always   
>  I'll stay with you, even being dead   
>  So please don't be sad
> 
> For my sake  
>  ~Sayori❤

 

I stared at the letter in shock. Her story was slow and painful one, everyday hurting hurt more than the last but she kept going. For all her life, she kept going, hoping she'll find a purpose. For that one year where everyone left her, she kept going but for us. Today, she still is going, but this time for herself.

"...Sayori, you dummy," I whispered to the letter as if it could hear me. My face is burning while tears fall from my eyes. "Why-Why didn't you get help sooner."

I hold the letter close to me, not wanting to let go. I don't know why I'm crying. The real Sayori is downstairs, bright, happy, alive! But still, this was recent. I just wish that Sayori won't feel like that anytime soon. Please, just don't let her suffer like that again! My best friend doesn't need that. 

My best friend needs better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A ddlc romcom? I would kill for that.


	3. but if i wasn't and left you sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri is inspired

**Yuri's POV**

"These are Sayori's suicide notes."

...

Oh.  _Oh._

She did really leave something after all. 

Back then, I was really confused and quiet about the whole thing. I didn't even think about that. In less in twenty-four hours I found out that Natsuki was abused and Sayori was depressed. I was so confused about everything that my mind fogged. I couldn't wrap my head around it. 

It all hits me at once. It's like I'm back to that time. My mind fogs. I'm confused. 

...Why?

Should I read it? It's a thing of the past now, surely there's no harm. However, these are Sayori's, we shouldn't touch them. 

If her plan worked, she would have wanted us to. 

"Do you still want to read it?" I looked at Monika. The poor club president was fidgeting in her seat, fear of what is coming. However, her small smile beams through the fear, presenting me with understanding. She read hers before, did she? She knows whats going on. She experienced it herself.

I tense. It was now or never. 

"I-I'm going to," I stuttered. "She would have wanted us to. What's the difference now?" I hand them both their letters before finding a place to sit. 

I sat on Sayori's bed. It was as plain as anything, probably because it was still a guest bed. I sigh, knowing sooner or later it won't stay like this. 

My envelope is a dark purple color, my favorite. On the back, Sayori's handwriting.

_To: Yuri_

_From: Sayori_

I am hesitant to read it. You can't just read a suicide letter without hesitating, right? Is this going to break me?

I look over to the others. Natsuki has already opened hers, reading over it carefully. Monika has just taken the letter out. 

This leaves only me. 

It won't be that bad... We knew about Sayori's depression for months now and there have been some rough patches. Surely this letter will just go over that, right?

Right.

I tear open the envelope taking the note paper out. It looks fairly expensive. Like notebook paper out of those stationary stores that charge way too much. 

Sayori... you care too much. 

I brace myself and read the letter. 

 

 

> Dear Yuri,
> 
>  You changed my life. I know that might be over exaggerating a bit but you really did. When I first met you the literature club was disbanding. It only had three members, Monika, Natsuki, and me. We couldn't find anyone else because nobody is interested in literature nowadays. And then you showed up holding one of our posters, asking is this the right place. I'm sorry if we overwhelmed you but we were just so overjoyed! We could actually have a chance!
> 
> I think you were adjusted to the craziness that was the literature club. You talked more and dealt with more of our schinegains. And then something Natsuki said will make you super flustered and we would all laugh. It was so fun! I'll miss it so much. I'll miss you so much. From your tea, to your poems. Even your horror books that seem to scare me a tiny bit. I loved them. I loved you. But you understand why I have to do this. Depression is a bitch. 
> 
> If you see this, just realize that I treasured  every moment with you. I want you to know that I appreciate every single moment of your time I wasted. You could really just do something else or read something. I know how you prefer books than humans, but still you manage four years with me. Even when I was a mess this year still you were with me. It's weird but I appreciate it! It makes me a bit happy, despite the depression. 
> 
> Please don't be sad when I'm gone. Just know that I am still watching you, caring for you, up in the stars. Life wasn't for me, we both know that, but that doesn't mean that I can't watch the literature club meetings or walk home with you. I can, you just wouldn't see me. I think I prefer not being seen. I wouldn't make stupid mistakes anymore and you won't get annoyed. 
> 
> As for my final order as vice president, please just visit my grave once or twice. I'll be very happy with the company and you can tell me lots of tales! It be lots of fun! But, if you don't I'll understand completely. I don't want to be selfish. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you do great things. I know you have it in you Yuri. That intelligent mind can help some people!
> 
> I'll always love you
> 
> Sayori
> 
> (P.S I made you a poem. It isn't as great as your poems but please enjoy it!)
> 
> I love you, always   
>  I'll stay with you, even being dead   
>  So please don't be sad
> 
> For my sake  
>  ~Sayori❤

Wow.  _Wow._

Sayori, you silly girl.

Sometimes, I take time for granted. I don't appreciate the time in the literature club and get mad when Natsuki gets on my nerves or when I finish my favorite book or something like that. Sometimes, I even think of quitting.

But Sayori loved it all. 

She knew it's not going to last long!  _She knew_ she was going to attempt!

And even when the depression got in her nerves or she personally didn't feel like smiling or laughing. She loved it. 

She loved and appreciated her memories to the point where she would have been content succeeded. Heh, that silly girl. She cared for others more than herself. She wanted to erase herself to make everyone happy. Little did she know, without her, everyone would be a mess. 

In the time when she was in the hospital, we all kinda fell in the dark hole. I didn't talk at all, only staring and crying. Monika sobbed for hours on in, no matter how much we comfort her. Natsuki tried everything and more to hide it, but she was confused and hurt about the whole thing. I don't blame her, I didn't get it either.

I cupped my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. Tears hit Sayori's mattress, they won't stop. I, for once, didn't care if someone heard me. This is for my friend.

Little does she know, we need her too.


	4. remember that i am living in each of your hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika gains an achievement

**Monika's POV**

~~_She didn't even say goodbye._ ~~

"These are Sayori's suicide notes." 

I look at the two girls as their faces widen in realization. I never thought to say that before. I never thought for them to see those. 

The world has its ways.

Still, I can't help but have anxiety rise through me. How will they react? Will they handle it? I don't even know what Sayori said to each of them. Do they even want to see it still? 

I remember how I first found the letters. Despite questioning myself, I still read it. Despite crying a bit, I still got over it. Maybe 'got over it' isn't the right words, but I endured it. 

Sayori's depression isn't an easy thing to face. Sometimes, it can grow into this huge beast, destroying anything remotely happy. There are times where Natsuki and Yuri wanted a break from it all. There are times that even I wanted one. Hell, there are probably times that Sayori wanted one or even wanted so far to quit. However, we endured it to the best of our ability. This is nothing but a test, not just for me but for them.

I look over to my friends. I'm sure we can endure this one, too. 

"Do you still want to read it?" Two faces perked up, two shimmering sets of purple and pink eyes. Yuri shys away while Natsuki ponders a bit. I fidget with my fingers, nervous. Still, what if?

'What if' doesn't matter right now. What matters is an answer.

"I-I'm going to," Yuri says from behind Natsuki and me. "She would have wanted us to. What's the difference now?" She hands us our envelopes before finding somewhere to sit. After a while of hesitation, Natsuki silently finds somewhere too.

I stay at my spot, eyeing the envelope closely. It still was a timid light green and a tear near the top. It still has those black scribbled letters bleeding inside itself.

_To: Monika_

_From: Sayori_

I take out the letter without a second thought. I already read this, there was no need for hesitating. It would be nice to just read it again. To relieve certain memories, even if it's with a bittersweet tone.

I set my eyes on the first set of words, this time not forcing them where to go.

 

 

> Dear Monika,
> 
> Oh Moni, where do I start with you. When you approached me for the possibility of being in a literature club, I never thought it could escalate to this. However those first few weeks, President and Vice, things started to changed. Then I realized, I might be in love with you. Not the kind of love I have with Natsuki and Yuri, it's something impossibly bigger. That realization turned into a fact three years ago. Remember? You were talking about stuff about reality, how it's important to stay in the moment, but despite that I couldn't. Listening to you rant about your interests just sparked a feeling inside me, a feeling I couldn't handle. I named it Love.
> 
> I will miss you, Moni. You and your bright emerald eyes. That light way of laugh. Even when you cry and that smile you give after, comforting me that's everything is going to be okay. I even will miss when you tease me, even if it makes me a bit irritated. However, I already experienced it enough to content myself on Earth. Now, I can see it from the stars, even if it doesn't feel the same way. 
> 
> If you're reading this and if you're sad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for only being your girlfriend for three days before giving it all up. I'm sorry for messing up your feelings for my desires. I'm sorry for tricking you from showing you that sacred place that you hold dearly to heart. I'm sorry and I mean it. You don't deserve to spend time with me, your too pure. But please remember I will watch over you. Please remember I will always love you.
> 
> As my final order as vice president, I am proposing you three ideas;
> 
> Number 1. Please tell them about your anxiety. I don't want you to suffer alone anymore. With them, I'm sure you will be okay. It's not like them to hate you just because you have been keeping secrets. 
> 
> Number 2. Please watch over Natsuki and Yuri for me. You know how they fight sometimes. It's up to you to keep them from each other's throats. But more than that, just comfort them. On my last day I received a text message of how they were at the hospital. It was too late for me to respond so please respond for me.If you all are reading my letters, I think they need some comforting too. Just do what you did to me. Say It Will Be Okay. Hold them tighter than I could ever, as if both of us are. It will make them very happy, I know it.
> 
> Number 3. Visit my grave once in a while. Bring a flower too, I will really love it. If you don't though I wont be mad and curse you or anything, I kinda forced this onto myself, but it will make me super duper happy getting a present from you. (Also don't tell Yuri or Natsuki about numbers 1 and 2, they would probably die of embarrassment and I don't want visitors that early!)
> 
> I'm running out of paper to write this on so I guess this is goodbye. 
> 
> I am glad that I got to be vice president of the literature club. 
> 
> I am glad that I got to be your girlfriend, Moni. 
> 
> I am so glad that I loved you, it gave life excitement. 
> 
> And, I will always love you, don't you dare forget that.
> 
> Sayori
> 
> (P.S I wrote a poem for you! Please enjoy it!)
> 
> I love you, always   
>  I'll stay with you, even being dead   
>  So please don't be sad
> 
> For my sake  
>  ~Sayori❤

The memories exploded in my mind like flashes of color. I remember every bit of it. Talking about reality, revealing my anxiety, confessing in my field. I never thought that Sayori cared about them that much...

I thought about all the things I couldn't do if I didn't save her. I couldn't take her on a first date. Or tell the others of our relationship. Or even, when the time is right, do some things that can really make her _very_ happy... 

But she's here, downstairs, doing whatever a Sayori does. I could stand up right now, prompting myself down the stairs and kiss her right now. It wouldn't be impossible! I mean, not entirely. My heart still couldn't take it.  

So I relish on the memories of her that I do have, closing my eyes. As I clutch my letter to my chest, tears run on my cheeks, falling onto my top. I let them, at least I wasn't panicking. It's a new feat, thinking about these things and accepting them.

I smiled softly while I cry.


	5. don't you guys dare forget that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Sayori is happy.

**Sayori's POV**

"Sorry for the inconvenience! We promise your order is now delivered to come at-" 

I hung up the call, annoyed. It's been thirty minutes since I Pastemated the local bakery. Why is faking knowing how to bake so difficult! I flopped on Monika's couch and sulked. Stupid traffic. Where's Natsuki when you need her. I bet Natsuki can bake better than some-

Wait... where  _is_ Natsuki anyways?

It's been forty minutes since I came down here. They never called me back up or anything and I, sidetracked by PasteMate and cleaning, didn't notice. Did something happen? Nah, I am on the floor below them, I would have heard something. 

I sigh, debating on either coming up there or waiting for this darn bakery delivery. 

I chose the latter, standing up and brushing off my blouse. Checking on my friends seem the more entertaining of the two. As I got closer, the silence continued. Really, did something happen? Natsuki and Yuri probably had a fight again and treating each other to the silence treatment. 

Hmm, but Monika would have tried to make it up to them, but I don't hear _anything_. It's weird, the quiet.  ~~It reminds me of my dark days.~~

I shook off the bad memories as I got closer. Or maybe, they had fallen asleep. I sigh, It's up to me to wake them, tomorrow is a school day and then I won't get anything done! I really don't want boxes in my room for long. 

I slammed open the door with one hand, pushing away from of the boxes. The other is on my hip to show assertiveness. A mischievous sparkle sparks in my eye as I grinned. "EVERYONE WAKE UP THIS INSTANT, WE HAVE BOXES TO..." I paused, blinking. "Unpack?"

Natsuki was sitting by my closet, her head in her knees. Yuri was laying on my bed, her hand cupped to her mouth. Monika was leaning by the boxes closing her eyes and smiling contently as her tears flow.

Wh-Why are my friends crying? 

~~Is it something I did?~~

_Nonsense._

 "Wh- What happened?" I asked in a much quieter tone.

Monika opens her eyes to look at me revealing beautiful green gems. "We found these." 

She holds up an envelope, a simple light green one. Slowly, Yuri finds hers and shows me, a dark royalty purple. Natsuki's was a pastel pink. 

The sparkle fades. The grin turns into two slightly parted lips. My arms go by my sides.

They managed to find them.

"I'm sorry," Yuri says dejectedly. "We were curious..."

"It's okay, really. But you should have told me first. This is kinda embarrassing."

Yuri mutters a simple "oh" as she straightens herself. I go to sit on a tall box which says  _clothes._

 _"_ Atleast they don't matter anymore, I failed." I placed a hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat which very much meant that I'm living.

"But still I wonder... what would have happened if I succeeded," I smiled as I whispered much quieter, almost... breathlessly.

Not a split second later the girls looked at me concerned and I had put my arms up in trying to defend myself from the piercing eyes, chuckling nervously. "I'm not attempting again, I swear! It will be just too hard to part with you guys now, and I am slowly getting better. But, I'm curious.." 

The girls relaxed, pondering. Then all of the sudden, Natsuki bounces, an evil glint in her eye.

"Well, it's a fact that Yuri will-!" Natsuki gets cuts of by Yuri running over and cupping her mouth whispering something. Natsuki merely shrugged, I am left confused, and Monika wears an all-knowing smirk.

"We will all be utterly upset," Yuri says, finishing Natsuki's cut off statement. 

I sigh. "But I can't help by feeling the need to apologize. If I left your lives would have been terribly affected permanently." 

The room engulfs in a quiet pause while I sat hands in lap, my eyes downcast. 

~~I ruined the mood again. Damn it Sayori.~~

 "Sayori..."

"No, I was thinking about my own self back then. I didn't even realize how much it will affect you guys if you cared. I-I'm sorry." I jumped off the box and bowed respectively, muttering a "please forgive me."

~~But I didn't really need forgiveness.~~

The silence continued for a moment as I start to get worried. Did I hurt them that much? Will my apology be enough?

I bit my lip, trying to stop my tears from forming from my failure.

~~I really messed things up this time.~~

All at once, a figure rushes up to hug me. I look up to see long flowing chestnut hair. Moni... 

Two more people hug me. Yuri... Natsuki... "Guys-"

"Don't apologize, you had a valid reason." 

"While it's great that you love us, you have to love yourself first, dummy." 

"'Don't you dare forget that." 

...

"Guys..." I slowly accepted the hug, pulling all of them slightly closer. "Thank you."

Up until now, I would have never wanted them to see the letters. 

I wrote them partly venting and it showed the low confidence I had. I never wanted them to worry and so, I hid them. 

My self-confidence has surely gone up since that fateful day, I am now living for myself rather than others. But... I can't help but depend on them sometimes. Like now, for example. ~~Does that make me weird?~~

Hell, it sure does, but I'm not complaining. 

We stayed like that for a while before the doorbell rung. Who would be in their right mind to disrupt a beautiful moment like thi-! And then it hit me.

PasteMate would. 

I stepped out of the hug, wiped my tears, and stared down the stairs with newfound determination. 

"Say-Sayori what are you doing," Yuri asks from behind me. I smiled mischievously. 

"Only doing this home justice!" Then, I flew down the stairs and readied myself for a full-on brawl with the delivery man. 

I ended up getting my order free that night. It was great.  

* * *

  _Two Weeks Later_

"Are you guys ready!?"

Monika was on the left side of me, her hair waves slowly by the rushing wind current. She stared down the campfire with a confident smile, only stopping to give a sideways glance and a wink. 

In her hands, a glistening green envelope. 

Natsuki and Yuri were on the right side of me, their hair too, blowing in the wind. Natsuki gives a prideful smirk while Yuri looks almost hesitant. 

"A-Are you sure it's safe? We could easily do this just by throwing them in the trash."

Natsuki elbows her lightly. "Come on, you need to live a little!" 

"I'm perfectly fine with my books and the literature club thank you very much." 

"Then just this once?" 

Yuri looks at the large blazing campfire and us hesitantly until finally, she gives in.

"I-If it's only once."

"Heh, I knew you would do it."

In their hands, two sparkling envelopes. Pink and purple. 

"Alright! At the count of three, we will throw our things into the fire!" 

The group nods and my smile widens.

In my hands, a rope with a tiny blue ribbon tied to the end. Not quite the one I used for the incident but very similar. 

I looked down at the rope in my hands and realized that I am so close to ending an arc in my life. A very big one, in fact, it lasted almost my entire life. 

I realized that I don't want to kill myself anymore.

Since I was young, I always had a craving to end my life. My family never acknowledged it. My friends never even cared. It was at eighteen that it took a turn for the worse. But now, even when the rain clouds come, I never want to do the thing I did a few months ago. 

Three girls I met four years ago changed my life in a path drastically better than my family ever did. To think about it, it's just silly, but it's true! 

And I'm happy with it!

I hastily wiped the tear from my cheek before starting the countdown. 

"Three!" 

"Two!"

"One!"

We threw the items in the fire, leaving their hold on us in the past.

 

Fin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what a nice project away from the mess that is Flower Thief  
> No, but really, I enjoyed writing this story, even if it was only about 6K words. I hoped you liked it too.  
> ~Riri
> 
> Edit: 5985. So close!


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